No Dress Rehearsal by Marian Keyes

Author:Marian Keyes
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: GemmaMedia
Published: 2009-09-16T04:00:00+00:00

CHAPTER EIGHT

She burst into her office, and found the two ghostly social workers still sitting there.

“I’m sorry you had to go through that,” Jan said sadly.

“No one can see me,” Lizzie screeched. She was no longer a successful insurance manager but more of a dead fishwife.

“That’s because you’re dead,” Jan agreed.

“I’m not dead, don’t be so stupid! How could I be dead?You pair of eejits, coming in here, talking crap …”

Jim and Jan let her have her little rant. They were used to this sort of thing. All part of their day’s work. It was as well to let her get her anger out of the way. Then they could talk calmly.

After a ten-minute tantrum, Lizzie paused and said sharply, “Why do you say I’m dead? Prove it to me.”

Jim and Jan looked at each other, then Jim gave Jan the nod. You tell her.

“Didn’t you notice Death the Grim Reaper standing by the accident yesterday?” Jan asked.

And once Lizzie thought about it, she did remember a tall, gloomy-looking man hanging around the accident scene.

“Well, yes,” she admitted, “but I thought he was a student collecting for Rag Week.”

“In July?” Jan asked with gentle humour.

“And no one could hear you on the phone last night,” Jan reminded her.

“The phone is broken,” Lizzie said quickly. Too quickly.

“It’s not. It was working fine when your father rang Neil to tell him you’d died. And that business with the weighing scales this morning. Spirits don’t weigh anything, you see.”

“How did you know about that?” Lizzie demanded. And then, suddenly everything became clear.

“So that’s why Neil didn’t speak to me and …”

“Yes,” Jan cut in kindly.

“Oh thank God,” Lizzie sighed. “I just thought he didn’t love me anymore. And that explains why no one saw me this morning …”

“Exactly.”

Then the truth began to hit.

“But I don’t want to be dead,” exclaimed Lizzie.

“Oh really?” Jim studied some papers on the desk. “Did you or did you not say to your boyfriend on 12th April at 7.38 a.m. ‘I hope there’s a bus crash and I’m killed on the way to work’?”

“But everyone hates their job,” Lizzie protested.

Jim continued, “Did you not just say to Sinead about the break-up of her relationship on January 27th at 9.04 p.m., ‘Life’s a bitch.’?”

“And then you become one,” Lizzie muttered. “Maybe I did.”

“Remember one time when you tried to give up smoking and couldn’t? And Sinead said to you, ‘Don’t worry, life’s too short.’ Remember?”

Lizzie nodded uncomfortably.

“Do you deny that you replied, ‘No, it isn’t, life’s too bloody long’?” Jim paused and looked gravely at her over the top of his glasses. “Need I go on?”

“Well, I didn’t mean those things … I was only joking …” she trailed off awkwardly.

A shock of terrible regret and loss swept over Lizzie. If she really was dead, there was so much that she hadn’t done. “I never had a child,” she said, sadly. “I never went to India, I never even did a bungee jump.”

Jan looked through a list on her desk and said briskly, “Yes, that’s absolutely correct.

Download

Copyright Disclaimer:
This site does not store any files on its server. We only index and link to content provided by other sites. Please contact the content providers to delete copyright contents if any and email us, we'll remove relevant links or contents immediately.